I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
