sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
