Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
