haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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