We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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