And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
