I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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