question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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