Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I intend to get homeless drunk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
