I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
