Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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