She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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