I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
