I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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