Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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