"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
