did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
