I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
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We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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