Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
