I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm getting married
To pizza
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
