Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
