Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
