All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I am spending my child support on dildos
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
