I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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