Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
