Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
