so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
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