Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
