I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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