What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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