I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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