If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
