somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
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I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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