Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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