Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
