I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
