All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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