You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's blow job season.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
