apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
