i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
