I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
