He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
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You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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