Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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