He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you traded sex for a burrito?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
