I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
