Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
