I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He passed out mid-signature
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
