I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We left the knife in your bed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
