I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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