You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
