glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
