my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
