I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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