In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she peed on how many people?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
