you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
