let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
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The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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