besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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