dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
