You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
