if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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