You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
