I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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