Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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