You're completely useless in the revolution.
she looked like the before picture.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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