i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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