My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
