Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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