So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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