mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize